On Today's Episode of.... "What NOT to Wear when you're an Applicant"
|
Posted:Nov 11, 2020 3:17 pm
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2020 4:41 pm
8213 Views
|
I was headed back to my office when I heard my name being paged overhead.
"Goddammit! I was just up there waiting for that fucking applicant. How much do you want to bet they just showed up, 10 minutes late."
Fuming, I growled to myself, turned around, and headed back to the front of the store.
As I approached the desk, I scanned the people who were milling about, looking for someone remotely resembling someone who would be a potential applicant.
From the corner of my eye I could see a woman, late 20's, wearing a sparkly, pink unicorn hat, complete with gold horn, unicorn leggings, a Little Mermaid face mask, and a floral looking peasant dress.
Shaking my head in disbelief, I approached a woman who was standing alone and appeared to be waiting for someone.
"Hi! Are you Rosanna Bandana?"
"Uh... No! I'm just waiting for my husband to get done."
"Oh, Ok. My apologies."
Fucking Bitch! At some point, you're going to need help from me, and, I hold a grudge...
"Hello, I'm Rosanna Bandana."
I knew instantly, from the sound of the whiny, high pitched tone, it was Unicorn Lady. Turning slowly, I could see her coming toward me, light up shoes lighting up the entire way.
"Hi Rosanna."
Fantastic
I spent the next 30 minutes watching everyone and their brother walk past my office to get a look at the crazy lady wearing the unicorn crap. Coworkers were howling with laughter off in the distance, the word spread fast.
At one point, she pulled out a sparkly, bejeweled notebook to take down some notes as I spoke.
"Wow...." I had to shield my eyes a little. "That's a lot of bling."
"Yah, I like shiny things."
"That does not surprise me."
So, here I now sit, thankful the employees where I work have to wear a uniform. We did hire Unicorn Lady as poor taste does not disqualify someone from being able to work with us, but I'm a little worried.
We have quite a few holiday dress down days coming up....
I can't even imagine what we have in store for us.
|
|
29
Comments
|
|
Merry Fucking Christmas!
|
Posted:Nov 10, 2020 12:29 pm
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2020 10:31 am
8128 Views
|
The holiday season is upon us and we retail workers are already counting the days until we can kiss that fucking holiday music goodbye.
Goodbye!!
I stared for a long moment at my letter opener, this morning, wondering.... is it narrow enough to pierce my eardrums and rid myself of the detestable noise? How many times an hour can I listen to 'New York City Christmas' before I go stark raving mad?? Why isn't there a law restricting the amount of holiday noise one person can be subjected to in a single day???
You know it's bad when I'm sitting in my office at work BLOGGING about my dislike of this shit.
God help me make it through the rest of the day....
|
|
22
Comments
|
|
A lil late night dumpster diving?
|
Posted:Nov 9, 2020 10:25 pm
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2020 4:01 pm
8011 Views
|
Now that it's dark by 5:30 at night....
I hate this time of year when the days are so short. It's still kind of dark when I go to work, it's already starting to get dark when I leave work, I feel like I just can't manage to get any kind of daylight in.
Not good for the that's afraid of the dark.
I realized tonight that I'd forgotten to get coffee after work today, so I decided to make a quick trip to the store...
I forward to that morning cup of coffee!
So, I headed down the stairs and the door to to my car. I was part way there when I heard noises coming from my right... Rustling noises.
Glancing over, they were coming from around the dumpster area, an area that's lit but only partially.
Thinking it was only in my imagination, I closed the distance to my car and had my hand on the handle when I heard the noise again.
WTF?!?
Fear set in and I hurried into my car and locked the door before I turned to .
Still nothing...
This time I knew I heard something.
From the back side of the dumpster I ended up seeing a form emerge from the darkness.... Scared the shit right of .
It was the downstairs neighbor from across the hall.
I looked around to see if she was walking her and asked myself why in the hell she'd be walking her all the way over there by the dumpsters, in the dark.
No dog.
And, she kind of just stood over there, looking in my direction, then slowly headed to the door.
That's when it ....
She was going through the stuff in the dumpster. The rustling noises I'd heard were the sounds of her sifting through the contents of the dumpster.
Egads...
Not sure what she was after, but that just seems wrong all the way around.
|
|
16
Comments
|
|
Ripping off that bandaid...
|
Posted:Nov 7, 2020 5:48 pm
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2021 6:08 am
10683 Views
|
I took this picture quite some time ago to share with someone I'd been casually seeing.
I never ended up sending it to him...
He was the type of guy that brought out all of my insecurities. I heard stories about ex's... I heard stories about beautiful women he wished his family would set him up with... I heard stories about sexual trysts he'd had in the past...
With each new story I felt a little less attractive, a little more like he was using me until someone better came along, and the thought of sharing this photo with him slipped further and further from my mind....
Along with my desire to spend any time with him.
Here's the thing guys... A lot of us women don't want to hear this kind of stuff. We already have all those nagging worries in the back of our minds about whether or not we are attractive or good at sex and those types of conversations only manage to heighten that worry.
Rational Mind - There must be something to me that he finds attractive or he wouldn't be here.
Irrational Mind - Why does he keep talking about this beautiful woman he wishes his would set him up with? I'm sitting right here, on a date with him, and all he can talk about is another woman.... I'm not good enough.
Once a guy plants that seed of doubt in our minds, it's impossible to remove.
I was cleaning some junk out of my phone today and I came across this old picture.
At first I felt silly, and thought... what was I thinking?
Then I thought, you know.... That picture isn't half bad. It's a very flattering view of me, I wish I'd had the courage to share it with someone... Someone who would actually like to see this view of me.
And, my blog came to mind.
I write a lot about my daily happenings. The funny, the bizarre, the sad... But I share very little about my appearance. I've always managed to keep that private.
Sometimes... Sometimes you have to rip off that bandaid, though.
So, here you go readers, a tiny peek into the realm of the Secret_Lade.
|
|
60
Comments
|
|
Corn Cobs and Astroglide
|
Posted:Nov 7, 2020 6:08 am
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2020 3:50 am
8181 Views
|
I have a friend does the curbside shopping for one of our local stores.
As you can imagine, she sees a lot in the course of the day....
I've heard quite a few stories since she's started her latest adventure. This one, by far, is my favorite.
"So, picture it. I'm bringing out groceries to Mountain Man Jack and I have to tell him we didn't have two of his products. Guess what they were."
"Hmmm... Let's see.... I'm guessing beer and toilet paper?"
"I wish! I had to tell this guy we didn't have his corn cobs and Astroglide."
"Yikes!"
If I could have been a fly on the wall to see that conversation.....
I often wonder what it would be like to have a 'fun' job, a job that I didn't go home from each and every day stressed out and emotionally drained.
Working, single mom kind of takes away that option.
The jobs that enough support yourself and your offspring usually come with high expectation, large amounts of stress, and a lot of responsibility.
Wouldn't it be nice, though.... work just get out of the house.... And not have worry about the money aspect of all.
Perhaps one day....
|
|
18
Comments
|
|
Midevil torture device?
|
Posted:Nov 6, 2020 3:44 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2020 3:15 pm
8084 Views
|
Or, underwire bra? You be the judge....
I had wear one of my date night, boobs out, push up bra's work today.
Talk about nightmare....
Again, some things are meant to be worn in small increments. This fucking thing is one of them!!
Nothing can quite compare to the texture and feel of rebar supporting your ample bosom for a - hour stretch....
By lunch time I wanted die.
I couldn't wait drop the Spawn off at her dad's for the weekend so I could get home and burn this goddamn thing!
Torture device it was!
I'm now sporting two half circle bruises under the girls and I'm sore to the touch.
Fantastic.
I guess it's a good thing I'm a spinster, I'll be nursing these wounds all weekend.
Unhappy Fucking Friday!
|
|
18
Comments
|
|
On today's episode of 'Office Place'...
|
Posted:Nov 6, 2020 12:13 am
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2020 8:43 pm
7935 Views
|
Tensions are thick as everyone is on edge and bajankety over the New Guy.
Scene - Boss #2 enters Secret_lade's office and closes the door behind her.
"Hey, what's !" Secret_lade smiles at her from her desk, she's quickly throwing together a spreadsheet for later in the day.
"Well..." Boss #2 is laughing nervously.
"Uh ... What now?" Secret_lade stops what she's doing and anxiously awaits whatever drama is about to unfold.
"It's not bad..." More nervous laughter from Boss #2.
"Uh, yah it is. Spit it out." Secret_lade is now laughing also.
"So, [coworker] was telling that [new guy] was complaining earlier about some things and she said that she walked in you and [new guy] just now...."
Secret_lade cuts off Boss #2.
"Is that why she was acting weird and stupid a minute ago? Yes, she walked in a conversation I was having with [new guy] about our upcoming self reviews. They didn't do them at his old store the way we do them here and I was trying to help him get prepared. She walked in acting like she was busting up some top secret conversation or something. I was going over our self review process with him. "
Secret_lade is shaking her head in disgust.
"Ok, I didn't think it was anything...." Boss #2 opens up the office door when an employee appears in the window.
"You have a Daisy Mae here to do onboarding, young lady!"
Saved by the hectic work schedule once again!
Boss #2 leaves the office with Secret_lade and the two of them walk toward Daisy Mae before parting ways.....
End Scene
So... The New Guy is certainly ruffling some feathers. He comes from a store that is run very much by the book and is slowly trying to implement things in his departments to ensure that we, also, are following the rules and operating by the book.
Problem???
He now shares a role with someone who was already in the store and already established in the role.
Now, if this isn't setting up a situation for failure.
New Guy will forever be the outsider and never kept in the loop. He has also not learned yet who he can and cannot vent to about his new guy frustrations. This coworker is the LAST person he should be complaining in front of as she will always turn it into something way more than it is.
Case in point!
And, here we are, two weeks in with the New Guy and everyone is already crazed and turning on him.
I'm curious to see how he'll handle the drama as it unfolds....
Cause we know, this is only the tip of the iceberg.
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
Wiper blade, round 2!
|
Posted:Nov 5, 2020 2:42 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2020 4:31 pm
8018 Views
|
I bought a new rear wiper blade yesterday and completely forgot about the fact that I should be doing it at one of those parts stores....
As I learned the last time I posted about this, they install it for you!!
It's funny how a sale on a wiper blade can totally erase all those post traumatic stress moments of the past where you fling your wiper blades across parking lots and scream in frustration....
"Oooh! $5 off! I might not see this again!!"
With dollar signs in your eyes, you search the book for your size and toss that bad into your cart!
"I need a new wiper on the back of my car! It's like kismet...."
Smiling away, you finish picking up your groceries and head on home the Spawn who has been texting anxiously, waiting for your arrival.
She didn't really want see , she just wanted the clearance Halloween candy I picked up. Without even having ask, she headed down bring the groceries while I started put them away.
"Oh My God Mom! Really?!?"
"What??"
She was standing at the door, grocery bags at her feet, mouth agape in disbelief.
"What??"
"What is this!?!"
Whipping her hand out from behind her back she produced the wiper blade.
"Did you not learn anything the FIRST time you tried this???"
We were both laughing at this point... She is such a shit.
"It was $5 off!"
Flippantly tossing the wiper onto the couch, she pulled her phone out of her back pocket.
"I'm texting [oldest ] right now. We don't need a repeat of last time. Your sanity was in question."
Those of you who read my blog know... She was 0% spot on. I still think of it as a win....
Now I get see my oldest !
|
|
20
Comments
|
|
Fat Girls Don't Jump
|
Posted:Nov 4, 2020 3:46 am
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2020 3:32 pm
8610 Views
|
I was on my way to work, yesterday morning, when I was cut off by a shitty black Jeep Grand Cherokee on a lift kit with that decal squarely placed in the lower right hand corner of the rear view window.
'Fat Girls Don't Jump'
And, I thought to myself....
Self, what the fuck does that mean?? I'm a fat girl, I have the ability to jump. Maybe it's a line from a movie.... If so, what movie and why haven't I seen it on a meme yet?? Perhaps it means jumping from something... Like a plane??
Perhaps they can't jump from the door of your lifted shit box Jeep.
I can honestly say, if I had to free fall from that rusted piece of shit, possibly exposing myself to injury and tetanus, I'd pass on that too.
The more burning question to me, however, was why in the hell would someone pay to have a decal like that made to begin with?
In a sea of stick families, athletic accomplishments, and Jesus fishes.... We have this redneck who thinks Fat Girls Don't Jump.
Classy!
If you're worried about standing out in a crowd.... Never fear. The smell of burning oil and the sound of your loud exhaust indicate you are coming long before you ever arrive. All eyes will already be on you as you cut your way through traffic, pissing everyone off, one car at a time.
Happy Tuesday!
|
|
31
Comments
|
|
|
For once, it wasn't me!
|
Posted:Nov 3, 2020 2:28 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2020 11:11 pm
7574 Views
|
I was talking to an employee as she was getting ready to leave for the day.
She is older, and hard working, and kind of limps along showing the wear and tear her body has experience from the years of food preparation and catering that has been her career.
She is a rockstar!
We were talking at the door and she said to me...
"I have to tell you what happened the other day. I immediately thought of you!"
"Really? Why me?"
"Because, stuff like this usually happens to you."
I was hooked the minute she said that. My attention was vested and I had to hear what it was she did because I knew it was probably something totally humiliating but made for a good story.
I wasn't wrong.
She had been talking to a regular customer and was excited to tell him that we were allowed to have coffee again. When the COVID hit, we had been directed to put away the coffee carafe to limit the possible spread and exposure to the virus, but that had been lifted and coffee was back once again.
In her excitement, she had somehow managed to propel her false teeth from her mouth onto the floor while she was talking to the customer.
The echo of her teeth bouncing on the cement floor was undeniable.
At first glance, the teeth had disappeared, so she found herself, the customer, and one of her coworkers searching for where they landed.
They managed to land under a table, far enough back that she had to grab the broom to sweep them out.
By now, I was roaring as she was telling me the story. If I had false teeth, I could totally see this happening to me....
Thankfully I do not!
So, there she stood, teeth in hand, offering the customer a cup of coffee. The customer being a good, regular customer who visited her often, had asked her with a smile on his face how much he owed her.
"The coffee is a dollar, but the entertainment is free."
Happy Tuesday!
|
|
20
Comments
|
|
What are you looking for?
|
Posted:Nov 2, 2020 12:39 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2020 2:48 am
8160 Views
|
I am asked this question often in it's various forms and disguises....
The problem is, I don't really know what it is I AM looking anymore. I find, more often than not, that I have little or no interest in actually making a connection with any of the men on here and am drawn the blogs. I read the words that others have written and, in some small way, I get a little insight into their world.
Just as they do with mine....
There is a part of me that still hopes to find that partner is crime. That person who wants to get out and see new sights, then spend the evening in just the two of us.
My actual experiences on here have tarnished that notion, though.
My version of a casual relationship is very different from the expectation that this site has instilled in the majority of it's male members.
And, I'll leave it at that....
Suffice it to say, the women on here are not disposable, we are human beings. We have thoughts and feelings that go beyond making a man's dick hard. But for the right man, though, the partner in crime... We look forward to those evenings in, making your dick hard.
To my reader who lives nearby....
I hope my ramblings were able to answer your question in some way. I hope you find what it is you are looking as well.
|
|
24
Comments
|
|
Welcome to the white stuff!
|
Posted:Nov 1, 2020 4:47 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2020 5:26 pm
8337 Views
|
It's a blizzard out there right now....
What would normally be a peaceful, serene morning of coffee and snowflakes is being sullied by my Downstairs Nightmares as the fucking bitch can't talk the phone without yelling.
Seriously...
It's a phone. It's designed convey your voice through the open airways it's intended target without the need SCREAM what you are saying.
You aren't using a can a string!
I get it. It's snowing, and you think it's beautifu.. Everyone in our building doesn't need hear your white trash description of the sight whatever poor soul is the other end of that conversation.
We've got our own ability see the white stuff!
I, for one, am not that excited see the fluffy flakes.... I hate snow. I hate that it's cold, and wet, and messes my hair, and trudging through it get anywhere....
It's here, now, though.... And so it begins.
Photo Update :30 p.. It still continues snow.
|
|
24
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (secret_lade) use [blog secret_lade] in your messages.
|
|
Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
|
|
11
|
21
|
31
|
41
|
5
|
61
|
71
|
81
|
91
|
101
|
111
|
121
|
131
|
141
|
15
|
161
|
17
|
181
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
|
|
|
|
|
Most Recent Comments by Others
The Shot Heard Around the World (33) | md46guy Mar 14, 2022 6:58 am |
TGIF! (15) | justskin1 Feb 25, 2022 6:34 pm |
In an unexpected Valentine's Day twist.... (37) | CL_Love Feb 17, 2022 8:41 am |
I'm betrayed. (23) | citizen4722 Feb 14, 2022 12:50 pm |
We all have that one coworker.... (27) | boobwhisperer69 Feb 13, 2022 1:29 pm |
Feel that icy chill? (28) | citizen4722 Feb 13, 2022 12:18 pm |
Phone calls from Don Juan.... (23) | pagancountrygirl Feb 11, 2022 4:34 pm |
You know it's been a rough night when.... (27) | Unzipmeslowly51x Feb 11, 2022 3:01 pm |
Now you see it, now you don't. (24) | Unzipmeslowly51x Feb 10, 2022 2:28 am |
5 Things NOT to do in an Interview (31) | Solmich45 Feb 9, 2022 8:29 pm |
A Blank Screen (9) | pagancountrygirl Feb 8, 2022 5:24 pm |
|